Key To Failure


There has been some angst in the house for the past few weeks. I think I know what it is all about … teenagers wanting more independence, marital spats, winter weather keeping us indoors more, stepkids moving in full time, and so on.

But my own internal angst has been a bit harder to define. And then I saw this quote by the actor, Bill Cosby.

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.”

I have heard this before, but the moment I read it again today, it hit me just how true the saying is. And just how much I’ve been trying to please others while losing sight of what is integral and important to me.

Now there is a solution for my mindset.

I wonder how often this happens to others too?

In Order


Over the Christmas holidays, my family and I consciously and intentionally took a couple of weeks off – off school, work, commitments and schedules. It was absolutely wonderful!

We spent a lot of time playing board games and watching movies. Fortunately, we have various friends who are either movie buffs or game aficionados, so we get to borrow rather than buy.

One new film – well, new to us – is a 1977 made-for-TV movie called The Gathering starring legendary Ed Asner. It is the story of Adam Thornton, played by Asner, a man who has just found out that the has very little time left. It is his plan to bring his torn-apart family together again over Christmas so that he can make amends and heal old wounds. I won’t spoil the punchline but suffice to say it a classic 70’s TV movie!

One set of lines stood out for me. Really stood out.

While discussing the situation with his doctor, Adam says:

“I accept most of your preamble about the rich, full life to which I’ve been blessed. The plain and unbiased truth is that I need more time.”

Doctor – “I know.”

Adam – “Certain aspects of my life are not in order.”

Upon hearing that last statement, I realized that, like Adam, there are some aspects of my life from the past that are not in order. And one thing I know for sure is this – when things are not in order, they become a hole into which all my goals, dreams and desires can fall.

If you dropped dead tomorrow, would all the important parts of your life be in order? Or would there still be unfinished business, open wounds, apologies left unsaid, forgiveness left ungiven?

It is worth the time to determine what is not in order in your life and get it sorted out, before time runs out. That is what I am doing.

True Success, Emerson Style

One of my favorite pieces of prose comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson who answers better than I the question “how do you define success?”

Here it is –

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

Action – Take what you need from his definition of success. Tweak it, play with it, and change it around. Most of all, integrate it into your daily life.

As you create and live your own definition, you’ll actually begin to make it happen.

Building Castles In The Sky

Although Henry David Thoreau died in the 1800s, his thoughts and words live on today.

Thoreau is one of my favorite writers because of his simplicity, directness, subtlety and humor.

Here’s an example – “If you built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundation under them.”

What a great way to say, “Go ahead, dream big. Then do the work to make it happen from the bottom up.”

Unfortunately, we tend to limit our goals to what only seems immediately possible. Or even worse, we do nothing and simply allow life to happen to us.

Action – Write out a seemingly fantastical desire for your future. Then work all the way back from your goal to the first step, the foundation. Then, do something today that begins the process of building that foundation.

I Accept That …

The poet Lawrence Durrell once said ‘music is only love looking for words.’

Taking that idea in another direction, I say that your state of overwhelm is anxiety looking for acceptance.

Your doubt is loneliness looking for acceptance.

And your anger is fear looking for acceptance.

Durrell was pointing out a very positive relationship between one thing and another. But connections also exist among negative thoughts and feelings and they can easily hide each other. And most of our negative emotions come from our inability to accept the underlying states of fear, loneliness and anxiety.

Action – When you feel a negative emotion, ask yourself what lies beneath. (Keep going until you find the root cause.) Then ask – if this is true for me, am I willing to accept its existence?

Even if it’s ugly, the moment you accept a truth, you create amazing opportunities.

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