Anxiety comes from experiencing failure … in advance.
When you become anxious, usually you’re thinking about what might go wrong in the next few minutes.
Say you want to influence someone’s buying decision or get someone to understand your point of view. So, what could go wrong? Well, he could reject your proposals. She could ask you questions you can’t answer. Or they might challenge you and you could feel insecure.
And, so, in that thought process, everything is a form of “failure”.
Action – Next time you notice your anxiety beginning to creep up, change your thoughts about the future from rejection and embarrassment to thoughts of success, appreciation or, at the very least, a warm conversation.
We all experience negative outcomes from time to time. Yet successful people know how to decrease anxiety and increase confidence by experiencing success … in advance.
This is one of greatest thoughts you deliver.
An excellent reminder of how our experiences can serve to make us stronger.
My mother always makes me feel anxious by criticizing all I plan to do in my life. Many years I have suffered fighting with her way of thinking. Now I can inspire myself to do what I want to do.
Be brave, be free, don’t stop running to your dreams despite other people’s opinion.
Nathalie: I have the same type of mother. Always criticizing. One thing I noticed, though, is that she views HERSELF as a “little guy” and attempts to throw me in that same category. Now that I’m older, I don’t fight her anymore, at least not out loud. I let her think what she wants about herself, and silently, I keep pushing forward. It’s freeing to not fight with her anymore. If she wants to stay in that frame of mind, it is her choice, but it certainly isn’t mine. Hard to overcome this lifetime hurdle, but I’m doing it now, and I can see that you will, too. All the best.
It’s great that you’ve made that shift of mind, Connie!
This is really for me only. I need this the most today.
Thanks
Rekha
The advice is a little bit simplistic. Naturally, optimism – though not delusion – is the best frame of mind to have.
The question is how do people who think negatively start to think positively. If it was a simple matter of telling them to be positive there wouldn’t be any negative people.
This is a really hard thing to do, and if you are one of these people (I am one) such well-meaning advice starts to grate.
You make a very good point, Steven. Some psychological research shows that “thinking positive” and positive self-statements for some people just doesn’t work and can, in fact, have detrimental effects. (bit.ly/1HpmDF4) Plus, being negative and/or negative emotions have benefits. They key with anxiety though is that, for the most part, it is a physiological response to a psychological interpretation of the environment. When anxious (particularly at work), if we slow our thinking down, we often find ourselves ruminating on the same negative point. It is that point that we may be able to adjust “in advance”. Thanks for your comments Steven. You bring up important issues!
I appreciate the fast response, Nancy.
Yes, you are absolutely right. It’s a response to an interpretation, and can become self-reinforcing.
It’s not easy, but I’m trying to break that circle.
When I moved back to Canada from the UK in 2002, I found a book at the airport which basically jumped off the shelf at me (it’s a long story!! haha). It was absolutely what I needed to read at the time and the premise has served me well over the years in times of anxiety or hesitation from being in a cycle of negative. In fact, I wrote a Simple Sound Solution about it (though in a different context) which will be playing next week. The book is called “Embracing Uncertainty” by Susan Jeffers and is available at Amazon and other book retailers.