I once had a long conversation with an anger management counselor. He laughed as he told me people think he can stop them getting angry!
The irony, he said, was that it is only when we ACCEPT anger that we can begin to manage it.
We all get angry – at work with frustrating colleagues or clients; at home with inconsiderate spouses or family. Even on the road with others who we think are bad drivers.
Then, we get angry at ourselves for losing control and getting angry!
My counselor friend reminded me that anger is an indicator. It lets us know that we are actually afraid of something. Most negative emotions are rooted in fear.
We get annoyed with the guy down the hall who is not pulling his weight on the project because we’re afraid it will reflect badly on us. We yell at the kids because their laziness may make others think we’re bad parents. And then our anger directed at ourselves comes from the fear that we’re never going to figure this stuff out!
Action – Fear is actually a manageable emotion. We do it every day because we overcome fears every day.
And when you see the real connection between your anger and the underlying fears it brings up, you are well on your way to reducing your angry outbursts!