I want my husband in my life, but I certainly don’t need him!
While that phrase may sound harsh, it reflects that I am actually very committed to my relationship with him.
Using the definition of need that most people mistakenly use, if I needed him, I would likely do things to avoid conflict, or I might consistently allow myself to come second, or I may hold back my opinion to prevent disagreements. If I needed my husband, the worst case scenario would be that I stayed in the relationship long after it was over.
On the other hand, by wanting him in my life, I can absolutely show up as his partner. I don’t take things personally if they don’t go my way, and my motivation to deepen our relationship is built on a love FOR him, not a fear of LOSING him.
And what better gift to another person can you give?
The same holds true in other areas of my life. I don’t need my work. I don’t need my friends. I don’t need my lifestyle. But I definitely want them all.
Action – Do you bend your integrity so that someone doesn’t leave your life? Do you allow yourself to do things you know are wrong simply to appease someone else? Do you follow along just to avoid conflict, at home OR at work?
If you answer YES to any of these questions, your misguided need may be ruining your opportunity to authentically want that person or situation in your life.
Sure, we have basic needs that can be defined and met, but it is important to make an appropriate distinction between needing and wanting, and then building your attitudes and actions around both.