Through a series of miscommunications, Bob began fulfilling a contractual obligation that had been approved, but not by everyone involved. Unfortunately, he didn’t know that, so he began acting in good faith to deliver on his quote.

Part way through the project, though, Bob discovered that others on the purchasing committee didn’t agree with the original parameters and bad feelings began bubbling up on both sides of the transaction.

Bob delivered, on time and at a loss, but he was mad. Ready to fire off a nasty email, his wife stepped in to calm him down.

While it can feel very cleansing to vent in a bitter email or phone call, it is very unlikely to do anything but add fuel to the fire. It can damage future relationships and undermine your own sense of integrity, all of which come at a heavy cost.

Action – If you must vent, write it out on paper, then destroy it.

Other than that, learn from the incident, forgive the perpetrators including yourself, and move on with your head held high.

10 Responses

  1. Especially liked today’s message Nancy. It holds true in many situations not only professional.

    Stephanie

    1. I agree. There is actually an acronym out there – HALT. It stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired.

      HALT before making decisions, getting into conflict, self-medicating with food, drugs or alcohol, giving up on something, etc.

      Sometimes, we are just hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Fix those.

      1. I don’t like to vent in the moment. I need time to collect my thoughts but sometimes people say I come off cold. I’m trying to be more upfront with how I feel in the moment though it is difficult. I thought a happy compromise would be if I tell the person or people that I am not happy with X but I need time to collect my thoughts and revisit X. Unfortunately, this isn’t always a happy compromise. How does one be honest with their colleagues when there is conflict but not come off as holding a grudge?

        1. Great question. And a tricky one. Remember that most people (including ourselves) don’t take “feedback” well. And any comment, including venting, is a form of feedback to another person. When you say “let me collect my thoughts” that usually means there is going to be a period of time when the other person will stew, or get worried, or make a mountain out of a molehill. You may want to simply ask yourself what it is that is going on that has pushed your button. What is it that you need to do “inside” to not need to vent in a similar situation in future. However, at the end of the day, if something needs to be discussed with a colleague, it is best to (a) do it as soon as possible without being in the heat of a moment (b) do it with respect that you show and ask for and (c) as you say, be completely honest. How someone responds to respectful honesty is entirely up to them.

  2. Being brought up in Greece, I saw nothing but people venting about everything and anything. People that didn’t do that they were cold, emotionally disturbed ,distant and not in touch with their emotions.
    Only when I moved to Europe I realised that there is things are the other way around and that you CAN keep your mouth shut and your emotions under control.
    I learned that this behaviour wasn’t mine it was one that I inherited and a cultural thing.
    However after almost 35 years later when something happens I do have to fight my I stic to vent first…. before I can talk.
    And even though I am much better now nearly not close to where I want to be!

    1. We have a natural tendency to notice negative things first. We also have a natural tendency to vent in a way to (a) release frustration and (b) find out tribe (those that will agree with our venting). However, without bringing a little consciousness to our venting, we can end up saying the wrong thing or shooting our mouth off inappropriately. Your learning over the years has no doubt stopped you from making bad situations worse!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.