People will move toward something that feels good and away from things that cause pain (physical and emotional). So we think that if we scold someone for doing something, they won’t do it again to avoid the pain of the reprimand.
But it doesn’t always work that way.
The fear of being scolded usually leads to a total avoidance of anything even remotely associated with the pain. In other words, complete inactivity.
Also known as procrastination.
Action – If you need to reprimand someone, be positive and provide feedback. Your message must always focus on performance, not on the person.
If Bob messes up, it is his actions that can be addressed, not who he is as an individual because you will never know him well enough to do that. And after pointing out the behavioral improvements required, reaffirm Bob for who he is, because you do know him well enough to do that!
All the simple solutions are great, but I have to say that this one is certainly the best I have received so far.
Thank you Nancy – this is a great one! I would add something my mother used to say: when speaking or writing to someone about a negative thing, never ever use the word “you”. The personal pronoun can be heard as a personal accusation/attack. It may take extra time, but it’s worth it to avoid making a bad situation worse. I have found this to work for me again and again.
thanks for all of these, they really make a difference for me every day 🙂
Constance
My pleasure Constance. And your Mom is absolutely right. It is best to use the word “you” only followed by positives such as “make a difference in my day” or “are a great support to the team”.
This has applications in so many places. I think about the times when I have to guide my son and how this approach will be useful there too.
This one is certainly the best
Regards..
This is a great one! The fear of being “scolded” leads to the delay of production…Simple and true.
Very helpful in business disputes. I just reframed an email that I hope will bring resolution.