I’m very proud to announce that on Friday, February 19, after meeting the academic and experiential requirements, I’ve been confirmed as a Certified Business Psychologist.
This has been years in the making (with tons of amazing support from family and friends) and I see some (more) Veuve Clicquot coming my way in the near future!!
What did you learn from yesterday’s exercises? What achievements appeared that surprised you?
As promised, we’re going to look at those bits and pieces that seem to hang around us, weigh us down, distract us. These are known as “tolerations” – those energy-sapping annoyances that creep into our thoughts, time, energy and space.
This toleration-zapping exercise is something you can do any time of year, but is particularly valuable around a New Year.
What tolerations are you now ready to let go of? What do you now refuse to carry in to 2019?
Let’s have a look!
(PS – if you have not yet read yesterday’s post or done the exercises, please do that now. The posts today and tomorrow won’t make much sense if done out of order.)
PART II – TOLERATIONS EXERCISE
The fundamental principle here is that we are treated the way we allow others, and the universe, to treat us. We move through life accepting less than the best from ourselves and others. And every time we tolerate or put up something that isn’t really up to our standards, we give up a little piece of ourselves.
What are you tolerating in your life right now? What are the behaviours of yourself and other people that you are putting up with? What conditions and circumstances are you bearing up under or living with that flatten your spirit, try your patience, and drain your energy?
Be very aware, as these tolerations could be so subtle or innocent they seem to be “just the way life is.” Whatever they are, they drag you down and keep you smaller than you need to be. It’s time to eliminate them!
Start this exercise by making note of everything you are tolerating. Some people start their list with that annoying bit of wallpaper that hangs down in the top corner of the bedroom that they see every night as they drift off to sleep and end the list with the dissatisfying marriage or disappointing career! Whatever … bring them to the surface but do this today (you can build on it later, but at least write something down today).
Your list could have 5 things on it or it could have 105. Doesn’t matter. Just get them written down on paper.
Okay – now a challenging request for action comes!
Identify the 25% of your list that you are prepared to get rid of, delete, toss out, discontinue, leave by the curb, resolve, finalize between now and Monday (or the next few days if you are reading this at another time).
Yup, 25%.
What things are you finally tired of carrying around?
Plan your actions into your schedule so that these tolerations are gone, outta there, old history, over the next few days.
Just imagine how much lighter, happier, healthier, alive and energized you will feel when you are 25% less burdened by energy-sapping tolerations!
In the third and final installment on Monday, we’ll be looking further into the New Year and the magic you’ll be creating! In preparation, get yourself a pack of 3 x 5 index cards or a stack of note paper (hint – the cards work best so go out and buy some this weekend if you need to). I’ll tell you more about how to utilize these in a couple of days!
In gangham-style gung-ho, I trooped into my office the other day bold as brass knowing precisely which tasks I was going to do, in what time frames and in what ways.
Ten minutes in, the computer crashed, my emails were inaccessible, and even text messaging was not working properly.
For 3 hours, I tried to figure it out, watching the clock tick, knowing my schedule was being thrown completely out of whack. And yet, not one bead of sweat crossed my forehead, even though I had some significant, financially rewarding tasks to finish off.
I know myself well enough to know that getting into a state of anxiety and frustration only exacerbates the situation and makes those things I’m falling behind on seem that much more daunting. And you know that too, don’t you?
So, instead of allowing myself to go there in the first place, I simply shut off the voice that was screaming “holy crap” and replaced it with one that said “I know I can handle this (and worse) … and what are some other options here”.
Systems “kind of” got back up and running later in the day. Instead of trying to catch up 3 hours in the following 2 hours, I simply started where I would have been if all had been running smoothly. I rescheduled the morning tasks to the next day, notified all those concerned and tweaked some minor bits.
Action – What causes you to get anxious or frustrated when technology fails? What story do you tell yourself? How do you take things “personally” (which is the root of much of our work-related anxiety or frustration)? What are your other options?
The more you understand the story in your head, the more you can control it and, therefore, control your physical and/or emotional responses to it.
It is worth taking a few moments right now to ask yourself those questions so that when you sense the bubbles of anxiety or frustration rising up, you may be better able to pop them.
Attitude – I asked the audience at a recent business meeting how many of them had created a clear, written definition of success for their business or career. Less than 25% of them raised their hand. When I probed a bit further with a few of them, what I found was that they tended to be using the stereotypical definitions of success, such as lots of money or a big house, usually posited by other so-called successful people.
Of course, borrowing a definition from someone else until you figure out your own is fine. In fact, I recommend you borrow mine until you have taken some time to work one out for yourself.
However, holding on to someone else’s determination of success without truly seeing if and how it fits in with your integrity is likely to create all sorts of square pegs in round holes for you.
You see, your personal definition of success will anchor your actions and give you a point of reference. Not having a point of reference that comes from within you may be behind some of the overwhelm and overload you feel.
So, here’s my definition –
I feel successful when I have more want-to’s in my day than have-to’s.
You’ll notice a couple of important things about that definition.
First, I talk of success as a feeling, not a possession. Thoughts and feelings drive our behaviour, and they need to form the basis of our performance goals, which ultimately creates our success.
Second, I mention nothing about money, relationships, position or status. When my days are filled with want to’s, I know I’ve made choices based on my personal and professional integrity about who I spend time with and how. I make those choices fully accepting responsibility for what happens and then my days naturally fill with want-to’s.
And guess what? Those days usually lead to the more common definitions of success about money, people and position.
Action – If you don’t have a written definition of what success feels like to you, start with mine. Then, over the next few days, ask yourself how you really want to feel as that successful person. Then also ask yourself to what extent you already are successful (because you are) and how you feel about that.
As you understand what success feels like for you, you make it more possible to achieve.
Further reading:
On performance goals – here and here
On success – here
Another definition of success – here
The passing of US Senator John McCain has prompted a wealth of bipartisan comments about the man he was throughout his political career, and his entire life.
Although I don’t usually bring politics into The Morris Code (and I’m not even in the United States), the outpouring of admiration reminds me of one of the six fundamental principles of TMC and that is to “personify integrity”.
I didn’t know Senator McCain personally, but based on what I’ve always heard about him, I believe he truly did personify integrity.
What has that got to do with being a confident professional and high performer at work? It’s quite simple …
When you personify integrity (mean what you say and say what you mean), and know yourself so well that you know exactly what you stand for, you will of course be confident, competent and productive. They all go hand-in-hand.
Action – Think of someone you truly respect. Someone who you feel is successful. Someone who you trust and who makes you feel valuable. Does he or she personify integrity? Have high self-awareness? Confidence?
No one can tell you what your integrity ‘should’ be. That is entirely up to you. But modelling someone who you think has integrity is a great place to start.
And remember, if you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll fall for anything!
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