Notice how often people tell you what’s wrong but rarely tell you what’s right? Unfortunately, many managers have not learned how to reinforce the positive.
Are you the same with your own relationships? At work, do you spot the mistakes colleagues or support staff make? At home, do you focus on how your kids keep messing up?
Our attention to negative behaviors has its roots in an innate psychological tendency called ‘automatic vigilance‘. We’re on guard for behaviors and social cues that may cause us harm. However, this useful survival instinct can harm us if we don’t check it.
Action – Break the cycle by seeking the positives. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, acknowledge everything that goes right, at home and at work.
I guarantee there are as many or more things that have gone right than gone wrong if you simply start looking for them!
thanks Nancy,
it very true and many thanks for bringing up such insights.
regards,
jayesh
In addition to Action noted in today’s sound bite, I keep a gratitude list. Each night I list as many things I am grateful for in my life or that I appreciate from my day. What might otherwise be considered insignificant gets gratitude and in the process the item takes on a new “greatness” in my life.
Thumbs up to this one we are actually sad when we should feel happy for more positives things happened. Thanks Nancy.You have helped me in unlocking another positive trait of me and sure will bring my colleagues, spouse, kids closer to me than ever before
This hit me right between the eyes this morning. A double whammy if I may. I had just finished listening to a radio interview that talked about focusing on the positive instead of the negative. Then came in the office and had my manager point out a small mistake when I have been working covering for her while she in medical leave as well as handling all of my responsibilities. And I was working myself into a right good fume with lot of negativity . Thank you for these daily reminders that life doesn’t always revolve around ourselves and to look on the brighter side of things. I am breaking that cycle and going to focus on the positive things.
Our brains are hardwired to focus on negative. I wrote about it here – https://nancymorris.com/2010/11/01/why-dont-i-like-you/ – so it is often a very conscious decision to search for positive. This doesn’t mean that negative isn’t useful, because it is. The key is having your own level of awareness as to what is what and which is which. As I mentioned to Rom, remember that what someone says tells you about them more than about you. Great job in recognizing what you’re thinking.
Nancy,
Thanks for your important/valuable input. Working for many years, I’ve had and currently have my share of those who only point out errors/mistakes but for some reason overlook sharing what is being done right. How I’ve learned to handle this … it’s a learning curve … is to give myself kudos and then a treat of some sort. I have also determined that if I wasn’t doing enough things right, I would certainly be working somewhere else. If I like where I am and what I’m doing, then it’s easier for me to let things ‘roll off my back.’ The other thing is there are times when I do need someone else’s perspective to keep me on point in my job.
There is sometimes a nugget of useful information in the negativity that another person has. But it is always important to remember that another person’s perspective tells you more about them than it does about you.
True.
I agree.
I was taught to only see positive perspective and not to think negative about others or situations.