Ever have someone say something with a smile but it felt like you’d just been slapped in the back of your head?

The Irish call that a ‘joke with a jag’.

These types of backhanded remarks seem innocuous enough. Yet the recipient can often feel abused and confused.

Said with a smile, a statement like – Hey Bob, your report is great, if you like that style – is actually quite aggressive. Well, let me restate – it is passive aggressive. And it’s hurtful.

Granted, not everyone realizes they are making jokes with a jag.

Yet others do indeed know that, on the one hand, they have a valid point but, on the other hand, they do not have the courage or the know-how to make a more direct statement or request, and so they resort to sneaky digs.

Action – These insidious forms of communication can destroy a team or team member. If you are a manager, deal with it. If you are receiving these stabs, speak up. And if you are giving them, find alternate ways to speak your truth.

Jokes with a jag are no joke at all!

(originally posted June 18, 2010)

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