We talk with other people, and them with us, for one reason and one reason only.
According to a linguistic researcher, all initiations of communication have one simple underlying message – please validate me.
And when you truly understand this, the way you talk and listen will change forever.
No doubt, at first glance you may resist this idea that you are constantly looking for validation. But let me remind you that we are very social creatures and much of our identity is the result of or a reflection of who we associate with. That’s why, for example, moving to a new town or new job has some real initial discomfort. You see, your social mirror has changed.
Action – By accepting your desire for validation, you are actually able to communicate more deeply, openly and honestly.
And by knowing that others want your validation, you are less likely to get caught up in office politics, teammate squabbles, or marital spats.
Other valid and reputable research has repeated the original findings. So, remember this idea next time a conversation seems tense.
(Originally broadcast June 19)