If you want to influence someone to your way of thinking, one key thing to remember is that most people just want to be heard. With that in mind, think of the 80/20 rule. And then flip it over.
In any conversation where you want to influence another person, let THEM speak 80% of the time.
You see, when we want someone to agree with us, we have a tendency to babble. We love to show others how much we know. We’ll hog the conversation or rehearse what we’re about to say while they are talking.
Oh yes, we will baffle ‘em with our brilliance.
The more we talk, though, the more likely it is the other person will feel unheard.
Action – So, know what it is you want to say, and then SHUT UP for most of the interaction.
You’ll get your chance at some point to share your concise information or request, so while you’re waiting, give the other person lots of time and space to communicate their ideas with you. You may even hear a common ground comment before you open up your mouth.
A key factor in communication is actually silence. Learn how to be still, and then speak concisely and respectfully.
(Originally broadcast February 19, 2008)